Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
please come you make the beer taste better
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
