i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
