So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
