its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize