just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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