I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
