Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
