I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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