i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
pray to the hookup gods
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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