ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
