I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
