I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
