I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
