im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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