well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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