im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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