last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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