About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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