why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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