my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
