just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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