I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she woke up with a sticky ear
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
