My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
