Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
