You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
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I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
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Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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