You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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