If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
