I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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