yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
