I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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