i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
