watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
