if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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