is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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