The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
