Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
