I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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