Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
