I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
