yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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