Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
