You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
