I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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