I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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