Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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