he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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