Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
