Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
