I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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