she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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