So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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