I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
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Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
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Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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