omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm getting married
To pizza
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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