I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
