I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I checked into jail on foursquare
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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