you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
