You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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