is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also, beer. Big fan.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
