Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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