Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
