So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I need to align my fucking chakras
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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