Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize