dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
