Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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