He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
